10 Easy Steps To Fighting Holiday Depression: By A World-Traveling Drizzle

My tear-stained Christmas memories...

My tear-stained Christmas memories…

“This is the day the Lord has made.  Let us rejoice and be glad.”

I think Jesus wrote that.  But anyway, there are some valid points to that old field holler.  God artificially inseminated a woman (much in the same way gay men donate sperm to their lady friends) in order for his only son to be brutally and maliciously murdered some 33 years later.

For this, we should rejoice and be glad.  Glad that God decided to wait a few years before offing his son so the abortion issue could remain ambiguous, and provide for decades of drunken entertainment (both with impregnating and arguing with douche bag soccer moms)…and rejoice for it is yet again the time to face the Demons of Christmas Past that haunt us in the form of drunken mothers, abusive ex-girlfriends, and the long-forgotten California Raisins Christmas Special.

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You Ought To Be Ashamed

I Am Not Ashamed.” Well, you should be. I certainly am, seeing as I live on the same continent as you people.

Under the umbrella of a Christian organization by the name of Answers in Genesis, the blog/fecal catapult “I Am Not Ashamed” blisters up through the skin of the internet. It is a festering, rotten sore of simplistic and inherently contradictory belief systems, worsened by blind faith in an imaginary superpower – one which allows you to irrefutably confirm that the entire Bible actually happened. Hey evangelical Christians: how’d you discover time travel without real science? Does the time machine run on sexual purity? Repressed homosexual urges? Pure, distilled self-righteousness? The shredded remains of original copies of the Constitution? All of these things? Continue reading