I think we were all expecting this: Corey Haim Dead at 38

Well someone in an office somewhere hit the jack pot in the death pool this morning, because Corey Haim is dead…and so are his dreams to win an Academy Award.

There goes the sequel to Lucas

So soon after the whole Boner thing left a bad taste in our mouth, we wake up to hear more upsetting news.  Corey Haim of License to Drive, The Lost Boys, and Corey-Corey fame has finally succumbed to his life-long personal chemistry experiment.

The question is, how didn’t this happen sooner?  The only person his age that did more drugs in the 80’s was Drew Barrymore – luckily she walked away with only a stroke-lisp.  Corey went from innocent coke parties to to becoming a pill-popping factory, and I’m sure he had to suck a dick or two along the way.

According to The New York Daily News, Haim had shifted from popping uppers to slowing things down Barry White style with some downers (not sure that he actually listened to Barry, but I know I do when I’m popping 85 Valium a day) But don’t take my word for it:

“I started on the downers which were a hell of a lot better than the uppers because I was a nervous wreck. But one led to two, two led to four, four led to eight, until at the end it was about 85 a day – the doctors could not believe I was taking that much,” Haim said proudly.

Oh Corey, if only it were weed you stuck to.

I don’t feel bad for the parents in this one, and I don’t feel bad for Haim either.  This was a pretty boy that got a lot of attention and turned into a whiny douchebag when he was never accepted in the acting community.  Take this as a lesson, kids.  If you suddenly become a celebrity, enjoy the makeout scenes, rent a convertible for a day, then invest in real estate and go to college just like Winnie Cooper and Blossom.

I do, however, feel bad for Corey Feldman.  He walked away from The Two Coreys reality show so Haim could clean up…that takes real character to walk away from the prospect of once again reaching C-List celebrity status.  I also feel bad for Amanda Sepanik.  She’s not a celebrity, or in any way related to Haim.  She’s just another douchebag with a Facebook page that the real news decides to quote (see Daily News Article):

“I’m sad that Corey was never able to defeat his demons,”

So eloquent, Amanda.  Did you write that while showing your boobies on Charoulette?  Anyway, I don’t know what sort of backlash this will spark, but I’m sure it won’t be pretty.  At the very least, be prepared for Dream a Little Dream to come out on Blu-ray sooner than we expected.

Corey, sorry dude.

<3 The Drizzle