This Boner thing is really tearing me up inside

Do you think just before Andrew Koenig killed himself he said, “Come on, Boner.  You can do this”

Richard "Boner" Stabone

Oh Andrew Koenig, I hardly knew ye.  It saddens me to see yet another 80’s sitcom child actor meet an untimely demise.  It saddens me even further to know that his cell phone was shut off a day before he went missing (all 80’s sitcom actors should have free cell phone service payed for by the US Government).  But how else could a man, whose biggest success was playing a teenager named after excited male genitalia, go out?  What would you do given the circumstances, knowing you would never be more successful than your father who had a recurring role on Star Trek?

To add insult to injury he had to kill himself in Canada, where until now, 80’s sitcom stars only went to shake like a maple leaf (see Michael J. Fox).  I feel bad for his parents.  They seem like nice people.  They did everything they could to maintain their family’s dignity, even walking off of Larry King Live after being pushed back for Toyota CEO Akio Toyoda and that dumb broad that was murdered by a glorified dolphin (FYI killer whales are orcas).

The worst thing to come out of this, besides the untimely death of an E List actor, is the fact that people actually sought out a statement from Kirk Cameron.  And what did that religious Kool-Aid maker have to say?

“Mike and Boner could always work things out when they put their minds to it. I’m praying for you, pal. Hope to hear from you soon.”

Kirk, wtf are you smoking?  You worked with the guy for four years, and you couldn’t even come up with an actual anecdote?  No.  You had to refer to the characters you both played.  Hasn’t your phony baloney god taught you anything about civility?  PS click on Kirk Cameron’s link, it shows how much he relies on those Growing Pains residuals.  Residuals that obviously ran dry for our friend Boner.  It’s tough to buy crack when you’re getting checks for 38 cents.

Anyway, I hope you get your 72 virigins, Boner.  You deserve it.

I leave you all with one final question:  Why couldn’t it have been Buddy Lembeck?

I will never understand you, God.