When I worked in the service industry, I used to hear from a lot of people that the number one faux-pas of the job was to openly discuss politics. The implicit reason, of course, was that you never know who you’re talking to, and you might make somebody angry. Well, I don’t work in the service industry anymore, so I can say things like “Fuck the police!” and assume that people will recognize that I’m quoting NWA. Still, I find that when people talk about politics, problems tend to arise not as the result of actual differences of opinion, but because of simple misunderstandings. That’s why I’m going to clarify a few terms here, once and for all, so next time I mention one of them in an article or in conversation I can point to this and say, “See, when I said that people from Idaho are shitbags, what I meant was that they value personal liberty.” America!
When I say ___ I mean ___ :
The belief that if you get enough stupid people together, they’ll be smart.
For those upset with social checks on being a shitbag.
For those who don’t believe in choice, except in the case of abortion.
For those who don’t believe in equality, except in the case of the flat tax.
The belief that matters pertaining to government are best addressed by random explosions.
Like liberalism, but with more vodka and less weed.
Like conservatism, but with more saluting and less Jesus.
Like communism, but in Norway.
Like libertarianism, but fewer shitbags.