Failway Bark

Yesterday, Fenway Bark founder Jane Fulton announced, amid several paragraphs of mean-spirited sarcasm and bullshittery, that the fancy kennel she is trying to open in Southie is changing prospective locations.

In case you’ve missed our commentary on Fenway Bark thus far, it’s first here and then here, and kind of here.  Unfortunately, our disagreements with Ms Fulton et al, which recently resulted in Fenway Bark’s permanent Shit List-ification, have descended in tone to the level of ad hominem verbal aggression.  So, with that in mind, I’d like to say that Fenway Bark is gay.  Gay, gay, gay.

No offense to people who are actually gay, of course.

In all seriousness though, I’d like to bring up a few of the questions that Ms Fulton’s press release raised for me.

  1. This is sort of a rhetorical question: WTF is Yoghund?  Is this truly frozen yogurt for dogs?  If so, what’s the difference between Yoghund and the frozen yogurt that’s made not necessarily just for humans?  More broadly, how do you know your dog is hungry for Yoghund when, in all likelihood, your dog is just hungry for anything?
  2. Who is “South Boston’s own Cruella de Vil?”  Can we be friends with her?  Cruella, e-mail us at sugarshacksouthie@gmail.com.  I bet the Half-Haitian Dog would make a lovely scarf.  He matches almost everything!  Dog is the new black.
  3. How is “the community meeting process” a travesty, Jane Fulton?  If I wanted to open, say, a 7-11, or a marijuana dispensary, or a crematorium right next to your house, wouldn’t you want to institutionalize a process whereby the inevitable controversy surrounding that development could be aired?
  4. Who told you that unemployment in Southie is at 20%?  The poverty rate in Southie, which includes the roughly 30-32% of the neighborhood’s 30,000 residents who live in the projects, is about 17%, and has been almost consistently since 1980 (give or take a percentage point) despite demographic changes.  It stands to reason that, given the number of people out there who might be classified as the “working poor,” the unemployment rate is unlikely to exceed the poverty rate.  I don’t have the numbers, but if I were to make an educated guess I’d say that the number of public sector employees in Southie balances out the number of tradesmen and women who are out of a job, resulting in an unemployment rate of 13% at the very, very highest.  And since 7% of Southie is like 2,100 people, that’s kind of a big difference.  But I guess we wouldn’t know all that stuff, because we’re just “knuckle dragging inbred urban hillbilly white trash pissing on the sidewalks in front of [your] million-dollar condos.” (<– actual quote)

As for the zoning issue, the Supreme Court decided that case 84 years ago.  If it’s really that bad, you can get a bunch of people together and lobby the City Council.  That’s your prerogative.  And since you’re an upper-class white person, I’m sure you’ll have no trouble getting it done.

Enjoy the new location, Ms Fulton.  Let us know when you go out of business so we can check out the fire sale.