Open Season in the Wild West!

As summer turns to fall and college girls go back to wearing sweatpants all day every day, an observant fellow such as myself can’t help but notice there’s an awful damn lot of campaigning on my TV.  Now, I appreciate the American tradition of spirited political debate as much as the next person, but frankly I’m still a little burnt out from the last go round.  It’s like Friday night we were partying in Grant Park, and now it’s Monday again and we have to go back to our miserable jobs at the American Democracy Factory  (where there are no layoffs, just assholes).  Frankly, the prospect of the election cycle climaxing in my living room once again this fall is not really why I pay for cable.

That is, before this!

"Oh yeah? Well, fuck you. I quit."

Richard Daley is calling it a career!  Holy Hot Dogs! (hold the ketchup)

If there’s anything to distract me from the inevitably smug republican tea baggers that’ll be crawling out of the woodwork this winter, it’s this!

Excited about this?  God damn right I am!  Ambitious politicos in this town have been wet-dreaming about this day for decades!  This is gonna’ be amazing!

Let me put it to you another way.  You ever roll over a big rock and see all the insects that were under it scramble?  Well Daley had a big ass rock sitting on the local political scene, and he just rolled it over…

This is not going to be your basic contemporary American election.  This is going to be a good ol’ fashioned Chicago-style Royal Rumble, winner gets the crown (until someone removes it from their severed head).  So throw the jiffy pop on, ice down the Pabst, take the Half-Haitian Dog for a walk and strap in.  From now until February, we here at the Sugar Shack’s Chicago Bureau will be your guides to the Shakespearean comedy that is the 2011 Chicago Mayoral Election.