Douchebag Camouflage

Ready? Spot the douchebag!

Did you see him? He’s the guy holding the anal thermometer.

Aren’t both of those guys kind of douchey looking, though? Yes, of course. However, from our vantage point, that’s simply an illusion born of the fact that this picture was taken in the 70’s. The true nozzle here is the guy in the madras plaid suit, or as I like to call it, douchebag camouflage.

Far be it from me to judge people on the basis of their fashion choices, but when I’m walking down Boylston Street and I pass a herd of these guys…

… I feel a touch of revulsion. “Fuck you,” they seem to say. “We’re so rich that if it were possible to make a suit out of human waste, we could do that.”

The other day, I passed three guys on the street who were all wearing those shorts. One of them had on a yellow polo shirt with the collar up. Another had on a light blue polo shirt with the collar up. The last one was wearing a pink polo shirt over a white polo shirt, and both collars were up. I didn’t know whether they were trying to give me an epileptic seizure or if they were just an bunch of coked-up Scots who had suddenly taken a liking to pastels.

The moral of the story is that next time you see someone wearing an article of clothing that looks like it has been cobbled together half-assedly from scraps found on the floor of a textile factory, know that he is wearing it out of the kind of smugness that can only come from a guy who got a Lexus for his 16th birthday. I’m not one to make assumptions, but if you see a guy wearing a Celtics jersey, that guy is probably a Celtics fan. And if you see a guy wearing douchebag camouflage… well, you get my meaning.