10 Easy Steps To Fighting Holiday Depression: By A World-Traveling Drizzle

My tear-stained Christmas memories...

My tear-stained Christmas memories…

“This is the day the Lord has made.  Let us rejoice and be glad.”

I think Jesus wrote that.  But anyway, there are some valid points to that old field holler.  God artificially inseminated a woman (much in the same way gay men donate sperm to their lady friends) in order for his only son to be brutally and maliciously murdered some 33 years later.

For this, we should rejoice and be glad.  Glad that God decided to wait a few years before offing his son so the abortion issue could remain ambiguous, and provide for decades of drunken entertainment (both with impregnating and arguing with douche bag soccer moms)…and rejoice for it is yet again the time to face the Demons of Christmas Past that haunt us in the form of drunken mothers, abusive ex-girlfriends, and the long-forgotten California Raisins Christmas Special.

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Blair Ravish, Your Are On The Shit List!

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See that shit?  That’s a “scene kid.”  I never knew they had a name.  I guess I thought that was just what happened to kids who witnessed murders as children and went on to get picked last in gym class.  And then, uh, badly misunderstand all the little nuances of human interaction, leading to alienation and self-loathing.  I’m having a hard time pushing the funny through all the sadness.  Suffice it to say that these kids make your everyday, run-of-the-mill strenuous efforts to look messy.

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